WOW...A must read if you even kinda care about me lol

Wow! That's pretty much what I keep saying over and over again right now while others are getting prepared for the super bowl and putting the last finishing touches on their finger food for the game I'm here, at home, at the computer, Listening to Christina Perri, and writing down the fact that I HAD MY VERY FIRST SPIRITUAL AWAKENING TODAY! It happened this morning at church, during communion, when I was waiting for the cup to come and Pastor Larry was praying and saying "lets take this time and think of Jesus".. BAM!! It happened! MY SPIRITUAL awakening!!! 

So I was bowing my head looked down and noticed the shirt I was wearing reminded me of someone. Someone in my past but still so much in my present! I started to cry while I remembered this person. As I prayed and shed a few tears I put myself in this persons shoes for the very first time in the almost year we have even know each other. And I realized, I blew it! I really messed up man! "If only I knew what I knew now!" ... You think I'd be asking myself questions like this. But I wasn't. I wasn't second guessing if this was truly the life Jesus wants for me. I'm in in! I'm in this life and I'm doing this! I'm doing thing I thought I could never do or say to people about Christ. I am still weary and doubtful of my life at times, "do I really have a good enough voice to sing for the women's retreat?" I mean wow! "Do I really know what I'm doing when I think I might like something or someone and then come to realize the Lord grabs me by my hand and says "nope not this time darling". Ive literally heard Jesus say that to me! Today was that day! Today is a happy day. But today is a sad day.

2012 Goals.

Lord willing I can do all of these but the end of this new year!


Become a woman of integrity and Godly
Sing a solo at church
Sing  with Kimie
write sing and possibly record
eat better
go back to school
make this year about growing not a repeat of last year
Always pray and have quite time with God on a daily basis
Finish reading all my books stacked on my night stand
start painting again
no serious relationships
build confidence

http://youtu.be/Eo-tp0JZvUA

I said there was more to come. Trees Part 2

So... After a restless night of 4 hours of sleep and working at 6 am God is still challenging me and changing me. Realizing I was being more like Saul, whom cared solely for his own will. When really I should be more like David and be concerned with following God's will, not mine! I do suffer from anxiety, and I know all of you who know me, know how impatient I am!!! But God is truly teaching me and molding my heart into a woman after God's own heart! I am embarrassed by the mistakes I've made in the last week but it is now time to focus on the future not the past. So here our some more thoughts on my love for trees and their wondrous roots!
Roots are unseen. Like those creeping baby figs that blossomed and flourished in all their green goodness we to need to be a light for Jesus. But this is where it gets tricky. And this is where I question myself. Am I really working alone with God to please Him and only Him? Or who am I doing this for? My family? My friends? Someone I love? The answer to that should definitely be a huge NO! It should be no, I am doing this for my personal relationship with my Almighty Creator! But unfortunately, I find myself doing that at times. I hope you can relate as well.. So again like a creeping fig or a Weeping Willow (my favorite tree of all!) My roots spiritual roots are underground, invisible to others. I'm talking my private life, my hidden life, the secret life we enjoy with God and worshipping Him, out of the public eye.
OK picture this: An ice burg only shows 1- seventh of its self above the visible surface, and any good and wise sailor knows not to get too close because underneath spreads the other 6- sevenths! Wow! That blows my mind! It actually makes me think of the Titanic, but anyway, lol, only a small fraction of an ice burg can be seen to the visible eye. And its icy mass is enough to bring fear, awe, dread, and respect to any sailor.
And That's what I want for my life! I want other people that know me or are getting to re know me, that I may stir up this kind of awe and wonder when I am around fellow christian or even a civilian. I want my strength in public to to be shown because of what goes on between my Lord and I. My heart to His. My cries to His! I want to keep reading and studying His Word so I can faithfully nurture what is beneath the surface of my life. My ROOTS! I want people to marvel at what they see of God's work in me. Not just a welcoming smile or a friendly hug. There is so much more to me then this loud, snorting, silly read headed girl who loves Jesus! Because... I DO LOVE JESUS! :)



Reference's: The Bible and "A women after God's own heart" by Elizabeth George

I've always loved Trees!

The Bible speaks of "a time to plant" (Ecclesiastes 3: 2), and for me that time is NOW! October in it's 9 days of glory has not only been seriously overwhelming it has also brought many tears, pleading prayers and bouncing thoughts from ever area in my life. When I moved to this area, Brentwood, CA in March 2011, form Texas, it was as if I was completely numb. Actually I was completely numb. I had no emotions, I just pretended everything was great. I'd put a smile on my face and tell you everything you wanted to hear. I wasn't myself and I didn't know how to get back to the girl who once was always smiling, singing and loving everyone without hesitation. That girl I speak of, Me, well she is slowly softening and getting back to her roots. And boy am I ready to "plant".
I am currently reading a book that has inspired me to write this blog.One particular chapter really stood out to me. And I want to 
share with you a I thought of from this book. And exlain why it stood out so much. OK, here it is, my version of it. Ive tweaked the words and people so its as if I'm the person who's writing this story, instead of the author.

"I planted 13 baby creeping figs who's job was to soften the harshness of the new brick walls that  replaced the old fence I had so it can be a barrier
between my neighbors and I. Twelve of those new figs dutifully shot out their magic fingers and became a friendly possession of the wall. One plant, however, slowly weltered, shrank, dried up, and finally died. I got off work and went to the nursery and bought a replacement for the poor fig that didn't make it, changed my clothes, got out my shovel, bent over the dead vine, fully prepared to work at digging it out of the ground so that I can put the new one in. As i grasped the plant, to my surprise, the shovel wasn't necessary. The plant easily came out with just a tug. There were no roots! Although the plant had enjoyed all the right conditions above ground, something was missing beneath the surface of the soil. It lacked the root system it needed vitally for drawing the much needed nourishment and moisture from the soil."

~ I loved this because this simple garden scenario portrays a spiritual truth for you and I as God grows in us a heart of faith. We must be devoted to creating and taking care of our nourishment and what we need as a root system! Roots make all the difference in the health of a plant, and their presence or absence ultimately becomes known to all. The plant either flourishes or fails, thrives or dies, blossoms or withers.
The Health of anything; whether it be a garden plant or a heart devoted to God completely reflects what is going on ( or not going on) underground.


More to come! I'm just getting started! :)

I'm starting to feel it.

The creativity in me has been hiding. I say that because it never went away. It literally hid from me because it knew it was to scared of what I was becoming. So it ( "it" being my creativeness) was tucked safely somewhere in side of me until it new I was ready for it. And I'm really starting to feel it. I'm excited and scared all at the same time. We shall see my friends... We shall see.